In Rememberance

Wow! it seems like I just did the post for the 3rd anniversary of Tina's death and here we are, at the 4th. Four years. Sometimetimes it feels like it was an eternity ago and sometimes it feels as though it was just yesterday that we said goodbye. I remember that day vividly and I always will. In so many ways, that was the worst day of my life but in other ways, it was also the beginning of a new life for me. Tina taught me so much that day. She taught me that life is so short. It is too short to waste time being angry or judgemental. Enjoy the people you have in your life, and let go of the petty differences. Love your families, love your kids-even when they are driving you crazy. Even when they are coloring on the walls, even when they are fighting and screaming, and especially when they are having a bad day. I am learning that the times when you feel like you could strangle your kids, are the times that you need to pick them up, give them a hug, and tell them that you love them more than anything. That goes a lot further than yelling and screaming back at them. Tina taught me that the important things in life are not how big your house is, how nice your car is, how clean your house is, or how perfect your hair is. What matters the most are the relationships we have- making sure that our loved ones know how we feel about them, raising our children right- because we only get to do it once, and being happy. No matter what our circumstances in life are, we can choose to be happy and to be grateful for all of the blessings that we have. Tina helped me to look at the big picture. She kept saying Please remember that this life is so short compared to eternity. She said that so many times and it really stuck with me and made me really think about my priorities. When I grow up, I want to be like Tina. She was the peacemaker. As much as I sometimes wished she would stand up for herself, I really admire her for that. She was so patient. She loved everyone and and never lost her temper. She accepted everyone as they were- no judgements. I know she is in a good place and that she is doing some amazing things. I think about her daily and me and the kids talk about her all of the time. I have been dreading this day because I had made up my mind that I would listen to the recording of her funeral. In 4 years, I have never once listened to it. I haven't been able too and I told myself that I needed to. The day came, and I still can't, but I realized that it's okay. I can listen to it over and over again and I can look at a million pictures, but that wont change anything. It won't bring me any closer to her and it won't bring her back. I carry her in my heart -we all do and no matter how many years pass, that will never change. She is a part of me because she helped me to be the person that I am today. I will always miss her. I miss our phone conversations, I miss calling her up and saying, "hey, lets take the kids to the park, lets take the kids swimming, or lets go shopping." She was always happy to go. Even if she didn't have any money to go shopping, she would still want to go. I miss just hanging out at each other's houses. Playing with the kids, and talking for hours. those are memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Tina I miss you and I love you and thank you for being you!!